In the future we'll all be gay
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
