I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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