Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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