i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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