He uses pillows to masturbate.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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