Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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