Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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