I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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