i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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