Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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