I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
