The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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