8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
