i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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