Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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