the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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