nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
