my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Enjoy the penises
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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