He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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