Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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