Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
