I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
