WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
