i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
