Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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