lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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