I hope mine doesn't look like that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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