why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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