I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
