I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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