I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
