I love black thongs
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
