i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
