my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize