I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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