why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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