I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
