First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
how does that bad decision feel?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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