She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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