I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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