please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize