Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
