Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
