Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize