So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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