so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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