I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
