I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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