to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
