I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
