so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
