New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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