i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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