well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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