I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....