I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me