I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We got so high we made milksteak
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.