i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom