Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
they need to just BURY HIM!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity