for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.