We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.