ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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