I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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