I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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