My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
