bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
