direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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