Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
