I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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