just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
