I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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