i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize