if i can run in heels then i can drive
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
