I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
