Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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